You may see that title and click off this article. You may be smashing your head wondering how I could possibly come to that conclusion. You may be thinking about guys like Randy Moss, Jerry Rice, or Terrell Owens. Well, I am here to tell you that you are wrong.
To truly understand why Michael Thomas is the greatest of all time we must first understand the criteria by which we judge receivers. I will be judging receivers based on five categories. The categories are swag, merchandise, skills, college skills, and hype rating. For the sake of this article I will be comparing Michael Thomas to Jerry Rice, as he is unanimously considered the greatest of all time.
First, we will be comparing the swag of Jerry Rice and Michael Thomas. We all know that in the society we live in money is swag and vice-versa. Using this as a baseline, we can see that Jerry Rice earned 42.4 million dollars in his career while Michael Thomas will be earning over 100 million dollars over the next five years. To further support my point, Michael Thomas recreating Joe Horns cell phone celebration is objectively more swagalicious than any of Jerry Rice’s celebrations. If you want to argue on the swag point you are simply wrong. The next category is merchandise. If you take a trip to Jerry Rice’s website you will find the only thing for sale is a book. It may be a solid book but I can not read so I can not evaluate that. If you head on over to cantguardmike.com you will enter a new dimension. First off, the website name is possibly the best url to ever grace the interweb. In addition, it only takes seconds to be absorbed in the beautiful merchandise. This point is clearly given to Mike. This leaves the score at 2 points Mike and 0 points Jerry.
The next category we get to is skill. You may be thinking that this category is clearly going to Jerry Rice, but again you would be wrong. For the sake of fairness, we will be evaluating each receivers best season as we can truly compare the two studs in their prime. I will be using 1994 as Jerry Rice’s best season and the current year, 2019, as Michael Thomas’s best year. Using simple math we can see that Drew Brees and Steve Young cancel out so quarterbacks did not give either candidate an advantage. Jerry Rice has 1500 yards and 74.2 percent catch rate. Michael Thomas has 1423 yards and an 82 percent catch rate with two games left in the season. Michael Thomas is also on pace to shatter the single season reception record as he has 121 catches with three games left. Jerry Rice had a mere 112. Everything is pointing to Michael Thomas being better than prime Jerry Rice. Notice how I did not say prime Michael Thomas? That is because we don’t even know if he has reached his true form. Using simple physics and calculus, one truly can not guard mike.
The next category is college skills. This will be a quick discussion as Michael Thomas is the best receiver to go through THE Ohio State while Jerry Rice went to Mississippi Valley State University. Point for Michael Thomas. Our final rating goes to hype. Using advanced physiological sensors I was able to compare the hype of the two players. When I watched a clip of Michael Thomas flexing my sensors, it read a perfect 1000 on the hype scale. When I watched Jerry Rice catch a few bombs from Steve Young my sensors read a mere 927. You may be questioning the accuracy of my scales but they are supported by years of evidence.
Michael Thomas finishes as the winner with five points to zero. Michael Thomas is the embodiment of unguardable. He is not simply a top tier receiver, he is the greatest to ever do it. Michael Thomas was drafted at number 47 and as we all know in ancient cultures the number 47 symbolized god or the chosen one. I will leave you to take that point as you wish. The only person who can guard mike is mike and even mike can’t guard mike.
As 21 Savage once said, “They like Savage why you got a 12 car garage and you can’t guard Mike”.